Love is a powerful emotion, but it also gets misunderstood very often. That’s why it’s important to define and better understand what love is, what are the 5 love languages and how they can help improve our lives.
Why does our love go unmet for years?
We all have different love requirements and ways to express it. At first there’s a signal, then loneliness, disappointment, even a vague ache. But when nothing changes, we just accept it — and we stop looking for ways past it.
The reason why people don’t realize their love goes unmet is because they lean into survival mode. They expected too much from previous relationships and that only brought them disappointment. It’s that which makes things feel familiar to them, and they accept the idea of not having their needs met.
Why are you secretly starving for love languages?
- You learned your needs are not safe to express. That’s the reason why you continually downplay what you need, and you are telling yourself things are not important. You even feel discomfort even as you talk about it.
- You’re feeling the effects, but not the cause. Simply put, you feel emotional distance, dull emptiness in your life and a slight irritation that you can’t explain. It’s due to the love languages not being met.
- You’re waiting without admitting it. You hope things will get better, but at the same time you tell yourself everything’s already fine. Opening yourself is the crucial approach here.
- You’re afraid of what happens if you say things out loud. That fear of nothing changing — or of your life not being the same — can be paralyzing. But you need slight changes to make your life better, and leaning into love languages can prove to be what you are looking for.
- Some people are good at functioning without a love language, or they believe it to be true. Yet underneath, there’s a steady loneliness, and an unexplained feeling of giving more than you receive.
If you have any of these signs, it’s clear that you’re starving for a love language. And that’s nothing to be ashamed about. Love languages are an intricate part of our lives. The important thing is to understand and embrace them. Here’s all you want to know about the 5 love languages.
What are the 5 love languages?
Learning what are the love languages is extremely important, as it helps us better showcase and understand love. The concept of love languages was introduced by Gary Chapman, a very well-known relationship counselor. According to him, people are sharing and receiving love in different ways. And if those ways won’t match, then the emotional needs of a person will not be met. The 5 love languages include:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
Words of affirmation
If compliments stick with you and harsh words cut deep, your love language is most likely Words of Affirmation. You’re starving for this love language if you don’t feel appreciated, if you keep replaying negative comments in your head, or if you light up whenever you receive praise. It’s also a sign of craving this love language if no feedback or silence are feeling like indifference.
Words matter because they are helping you either break or build emotional intimacy. A kind sentence might feel insignificant to you, yet it can build someone’s day. Yet a lack of verbal affirmation can make people feel neglected or even rejected. The way you practice words of affirmation is simple, you give compliments to others, express gratitude, acknowledge their efforts and encourage everyone during stressful time. Needless to say, those things will come back in your life from others as well.
Physical Touch
Some people experience and show love best via physical connection. If that’s you, then your love language is Physical Touch. A clear sign is when you feel comfort when people touch/are close to you, and when a lack of touch feels like rejection. One other thing to consider is that you continually reach out during emotional moments and physical affection is a major assurance for you, certainly more than words.
The great thing about physical touch is that it doesn’t need to come by as something intense. Most of the time, it’s that simple gesture that will make a huge difference. For example, you hold hands with your loved one, hug them, you touch them on the shoulder, sit close to them on the couch, cuddle and so on. Physical touch is and always will be important, it doesn’t need to lead to intimacy. Instead, it remains a powerful love language, and the main layer for a long-lasting relationship.
Quality time
We are all living very busy lives, which can prove to be extremely problematic at times. We don’t have time for ourselves or other people, and that limits us in more ways than expected. If you are the type of person that feels loved when someone offers their full attention, then quality time is your main love language.
There are a few signs showing quality time as your love language. For example, distractions are frustrating you, and you always appreciate deep conversations. On top of that, you are more about shared experiences and not gifts. People who love quality time are looking for meaningful connection, presence and focus. They don’t want someone who is just there physically, but thinks of something else. A lack of quality time can lead to loneliness even in relationships.
Receiving gifts
For a lot of people, this love language is misunderstood. A lot of people are wondering what are love languages, and then they see someone who enjoys gifts, and you are confused. The most important thing here is the thought behind the gift, not the gift itself. The idea is that even a meaningful, small gift will show love.
Someone who craves this love language feels deeply touched by surprises, and they remember gifts for a long time. They also associate gifts with emotional significance, and will feel hurt when a special occasion is getting overlooked. That’s why, if you have people in your life whose love language is receiving gifts, you want to appreciate them with small gifts shared often. After all, it comes down to showing how much you think of them and how much they mean to you.
Acts of service
There are people for whom actions are more important than words. They are the ones who have acts of service as their love language. It’s that person who is making you coffee or who helps you with challenging tasks when you are stressed out. If broken promises affect you, and you show love by doing things for others or words feel empty without any action, then out of the 5 love languages, this is the one for you.
How do you know that you’re craving a love language?
It all comes down to different signs, as you can expect. When you are craving love languages, you are confused about why is love not feeling right, and you feel unfulfilled most of the time. You are also emotionally distant and feel irritable without knowing what causes that irritation.
Discovering your true love language
For a lot of people, finding which one of the 5 love languages is the one they crave for the most, it’s a rather straightforward process. You need to do the following:
- Identify what hurts you the most when it’s missing
- Find what you are complaining about during relationships
- What makes you feel happy, cared for and valued when in a relationship?
- How are you expressing your love to other people?
Once you answer these questions, it will be clear which one of the love languages is the best one for you and why you are craving it so much. However, an interesting thing is that a lot of people think they will only have a single love language during their entire lifetime. That’s not the case.
Does your love language change? Yes, and sometimes it can change rather often. For example, when you are very stressed out, you appreciate acts of service more, whereas after emotional distance, quality time feels more essential. The important thing is to stay in touch with your existing needs and emotions. Then, once you know that, it will become a much easier process.
Once you know your love language:
- It’s a very good idea to communicate clearly and not let people guess. They will know how to make you feel loved, and that’s what matters the most.
- Be intentional, and make consistent efforts instead of just doing isolated, yet grand gestures.
- Learn your partner’s love language as well. It will help you understand their needs and create a more powerful emotional bond.
- Never dismiss your needs. It’s very easy to do that, just because you want to please other people. But the important thing is to think of yourself while also appreciating other people.
Conclusion
Understanding which one of the 5 love languages you are craving for is a crucial thing. Everyone has their own love language, and we express our feelings and emotions in different ways. Some people love sharing/receiving gifts, others focus more on quality time or acts of service. But regardless of how we show our love, it’s very important to be ourselves, and to always appreciate the important people in our lives. Gratitude is a huge deal here, because appreciating those who understand and respect our love language can make a massive difference in life.