As humans, we’re often wired to believe everything is fine, and sometimes we ignore glaring issues in our lives. But at some point, we have to see the red flags in a relationship and find out how to solve those. Whether we like it or not, there can be a lot of relationship red flags that we downright ignore.
Differences between a red flag and a flaw
A flaw is acknowledged, and it’s something that you are working on. In addition, it’s not harming you consistently, which is something to consider. But when it comes to a relationship red flag, it’s something repeated often, denied or dismissed, and which drains your entire being. You’re waiting for the red flag to stop, hoping to get past it — but that requires your partner to actively work on the issue, turning it from a red flag into a flaw, and eventually removing it altogether.
A good way to distinguish red flags and flaws is to perform the feeling test. After you interact with a loved one, if they have a flaw, you feel a bit annoyed, understood enough and like yourself. But if there’s a red flag, you feel on the edge, confused, drained and like you need to analyze everything that was said.
Why do people ignore red flags in a relationship?
There can be a lot of reasons why something like this happens.
- The main thing is that they are emotionally and maybe even financially invested in the relationship, and they want it to work.
- They also fear starting over, which can be a huge challenge.
- On top of that, some people choose to just see the good things and don’t worry about anything bad that is happening, they think it will only get better.
- A similar thing is valid when they don’t want to appear as overly critical. So naturally, they will turn a blind eye to some of the situations or issues, thinking that stuff will get better.
You are ignored by your partner
That’s one of the glaring relationship red flags that you need to notice. You might be telling yourself that your partner is just bad at communicating. But if they are taking hours or days without replying, they avoid serious conversation or shut down when any discussion takes place, something is indeed going wrong and you need to solve it.
Insults masked as jokes
Everyone took a joke too far in their relationship, it happens and we usually get over it. But it can be one of the red flags in a relationship when your partner just continues with these untasteful jokes. Sarcasm automatically feels like criticism, all these jokes are always made at your expense, and they are dismissing your feelings when you start speaking up. It’s never an easy process, but it’s only going to get worse if you’re not addressing it wisely.
A lack of effort
We’ve all had times when a partner wasn’t well-organized or didn’t have time. It could be due to stress at work or all kinds of other problems. When these issues arise, the most important thing is to understand the underlying problem.
If your loved one is doing these things, that’s a problem:
- They cancel plans very often
- Contact is rarely initiated, usually it’s ignored
- They are emotionally unavailable
When something like this happens, you usually need to start prioritizing the people that truly matter. Sure, we are all busy, but finding a way to tackle those problems is only going to make things better in the long run.
Second guessing yourself
It’s one of the relationship red flags that most of us try to avoid. But whether we are liking it or not, second-guessing your feelings and also minimizing your needs for someone else is not healthy. The better approach is to both be equal and understand one another. Once one of you becomes more important in a relationship, then that’s unhealthy and a huge red flag.
Check the source, is this coming from you or did the dynamic between you and your loved one change? What you can do is to write things out in a diary or on a piece of paper. Another idea is to pause the spiral and stop overthinking, while also looking for things that make you feel secure. Look for patterns, understand who is at fault and stop blaming everything on you.
Expecting things to change
Sure, some of us are hopeful and we think that bad things will change. But the truth is that people will repeat the same stuff without improving. They will promise stuff just to get out of your hair, yet they continue doing the same stuff over and over.
In fact, they will just focus on apologizing without having any intentional effort to change. And when these things happen, there’s not a whole lot you can do. You either keep seeing them, or take the red flags in your relationship to heart and end it before it gets much worse.
Downplaying things
Have you ever said that a bad thing done by your partner is not a big deal? We all did, of course. But ignoring stuff waiting for things to get better is not a good idea at all. In fact, small issues will pile up over time and ignoring boundaries being crossed is only going to get worse in the end. The same thing is valid if you let things go to avoid conflict.
In my opinion, the most important thing is to understand these red flags in a relationship appear for a reason. Things are not perfect, and even minor issues like that can ruin your relationship in the long term.
Intensity gets mistaken with love
Every relationship will have its own highs and lows, it’s the way things are. The most important thing in these situations is to not fall for jealousy framed as care or possessiveness that was framed as affection. The truth is simple: emotional instability is not passion. Your focus should be on finding steady and stable love. Stuff that’s unstable is a red flag, not a perk.
Accepting behavior as being unchangeable
People will change for someone they love, and they will always make an effort to have lasting changes in the long term. But if you are accepting relationship red flags like disrespectful habits, a refusal to grow or no accountability, that is an issue.
Yes, everyone has their own flaws, and we accept them the way they are. However, at some point, that definition fails and you see things for how they truly are. The most important thing is to understand that identifying red flags in a relationship is the first step, and then you have to act towards removing those red flags. Or, in some cases, it’s better to just end the relationship.
Not wanting to end the relationship
Some people will accept everything if that means the relationship will stay alive. But the reality is that you can’t force yourself to start tolerating any behavior, ignoring your own needs and so on just because you fear that you will be alone in the long run.
The truth is that you have to trust yourself and your emotions. If there are relationship red flags, they are there for a reason, and you may want to handle them instead of just ignoring everything. Because if you’re ignoring stuff thinking that the relationship is safe, you are wrong.
Conclusion
There’s no denying that we all have some type of red flags in a relationship. But the problem here is how you are addressing those flags and the methods we are using in order to make those things better. Sometimes, leaving is the right answer, so it makes sense to use this approach when it’s necessary.